Underweight Goddess

Yesterday was supposed to be day 1 of my two day fast. It was all good until around 6p.m. when my mom decides she's going to buy me dinner and we're all gonna eat together. There's honestly, not trying to make excuses, but you CAN'T get out of that sort of situation when it comes to my mother. So it didn't work out, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying though. I'm pretty determined and so I'll start all over again. OBAMA WON! I'm so glad he won, I've been rooting for him since day 1. He's an awesome dude. But anyway, I'll try the fast again today. And I finally have today alone so I can do a cardio tape or something. My ass needs to get moving because I want more results and I want them quickly. Is it really that much to ask for? No, I didn't think so. The only thing I look forard to in the morning is feeling my stomach, seeing if it's flatter than yesterday and if my hip bones are starting to protrude (which they are!), and then I run to the bathroom so I can pee because when I wake up I'm usually bloated from having to pee, then i examine myself in the mirror. It seems like no matter how much I lose the results are never rewarding enough, I need a miracle to feel better about myself. Listen to the song Sullen Girl by Fiona Apple and that's me in a nutshell. I don't even want to get better, I love living like this but I hate myself. Hopefully, you don't understand where I'm coming from. I need a nap. Hahah its almost nine in the morning, oh well, goodnight!

"I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul."